Yo dont text me then not text me
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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