Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
