you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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