By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
