If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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