GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
