You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
well most of my day revolves around power hour
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
