he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize