i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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