I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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