Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
