Will you blow on my dice?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
