his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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