he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
