the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
