I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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