I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
