so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
