so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
