yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
