Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
