What tipped you off? The sombrero?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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