super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
