I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
