so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
