the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
