I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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