so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
