they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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