I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
