I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
