Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
