Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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