i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize