So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
