He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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