I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
