Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
