Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
grandma shit on top of the toilet
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
