Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
