i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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