She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
