Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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