ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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