I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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