i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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