You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
