I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
