...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
