My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
