Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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