How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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