A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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