does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
