i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
