She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
