She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
