He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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