Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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