its not stalking. its research.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
