where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The air was thick with penises
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Success! We fucked roommates!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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