I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
