Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize
