Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
