but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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