i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
