omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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